i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
