don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Randomize
