Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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