We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
