Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
