Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
