What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
