I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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