She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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