She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize