my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
