dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
