Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
