it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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