grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
