Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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