my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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