I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
