Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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