i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
