Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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