So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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