it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
