someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
