the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
