Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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