I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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