i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
