so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm getting married
To pizza
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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