If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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