While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
