so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
