even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
