I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
