I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Drunk is not a location!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
