i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
