I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Bring me that man meat
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
