I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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