mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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