i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize