I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
