The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize