Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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