I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
