She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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