I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
