Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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