Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize