Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
