im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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