I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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