Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
