Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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