i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
