Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
