I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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