if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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