1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
