your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
