After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
