I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
