i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
