Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
