that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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