Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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