When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No more Irish car bombs ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize