so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
