You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
