Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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