Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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