wat bout pragnant strippers??
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
